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User talk:Manorainjan: Difference between revisions
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People get so emotionally triggered that they go into fight-or-flight mode and can't listen, think creatively, or have a sense of humor about the situation. In reality, there often is no emergency that requires drastic action for protection of oneself or the community, but people act as though there is. Even an expressed disagreement gets perceived as a threat. | People get so emotionally triggered that they go into fight-or-flight mode and can't listen, think creatively, or have a sense of humor about the situation. In reality, there often is no emergency that requires drastic action for protection of oneself or the community, but people act as though there is. Even an expressed disagreement gets perceived as a threat. | ||
A person gets labelled as "bad person" or "untrustworthy person" or whatever and then all their actions are regarded with suspicion as probably malevolently intended. But people are more complex than these archetypes of heroes and villains. Even those who have hurt us tend to have something to offer, that we can often salvage without opening ourselves up too much to harmful betrayal. [[User:Leucosticte|Leucosticte]] ([[User talk:Leucosticte|talk]]) 14:52, 23 September 2014 (UTC) | A person gets labelled as "bad person" or "untrustworthy person" or whatever and then all their actions are regarded with suspicion as probably malevolently intended. But people are more complex than these archetypes of heroes and villains. Even those who have hurt us tend to have something to offer, that we can often salvage without opening ourselves up too much to harmful betrayal. | ||
If they can't offer anything now in a way or form that can be accepted, it might be possible six months down the road (due to either or both of the disputants' changing, or the situation's changing), which is why I believe in the [[standard offer]] as at least a way of mitigating the extent of the possible damage from situations that get out of hand (although it would be better if they didn't get out of hand to begin with). I can think of only one time that I cut someone out of my life for longer than six months (which I later regretted as unnecessary, since I could have forgiven sooner and found ways to assert my rights effectively while still allowing him to have some contact), and I do not know of any situation in which it would be necessary to cut anyone out of participation in a wiki for more than six months. [[User:Leucosticte|Leucosticte]] ([[User talk:Leucosticte|talk]]) 14:52, 23 September 2014 (UTC) | |||